Catholic wedding vows are short, and you don't write them yourselves: your parish gives you the approved words. Each of you takes the other as husband or wife and promises to be faithful, to love, and to honor each other for life. If your wedding is coming up, ask your parish today for the vow text and start practicing it out loud together.
What do Catholic wedding vows say?
Your vows are a promise to give yourself to the other person completely and for good. The Church calls this moment the exchange of consent: your free “yes” to each other.
The words are short so they can be clear. When couples say the vows to each other in the United States, the groom says: “I, N., take you, N., to be my wife. I promise to be faithful to you, in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health, to love you and to honor you all the days of my life.” The bride says the same words with “to be my husband.” Where you see N., you say your own name and then your spouse's name. In Spanish, it usually begins: “Yo, N., te recibo a ti, N., como esposa…”
The exact words come from the Church's approved wedding book, and your parish has them. Ask for its current wedding planning booklet instead of copying a script from a wedding website. That way you say the right words, and everyone at the ceremony follows the same text.
The questions the priest or deacon asks before your vows
Right before the vows, the priest or deacon asks you a few short questions. They are not the vows yet. They are about your intentions: that you are marrying freely, that you will love and honor each other for life, and that you will welcome children, when that question is part of your ceremony.
Each of you answers on your own. This part of the ceremony goes in this order:
- The priest or deacon asks if you are entering marriage freely.
- He asks if you are ready to love and honor each other for life.
- He asks if you will accept children and raise them, when the ceremony includes that question.
- You then say your vows, in one of the approved forms.
- The priest or deacon receives your vows in the name of the Church.
Many couples confuse the two at the rehearsal, because both moments use short answers. First you answer the questions, which state your intentions. Then come the vows, where you actually marry each other.
Can you write your own Catholic wedding vows?
Not to replace the official vows in a Catholic wedding. The Church uses approved words because they have to say what Christian marriage really is. The good news is that the approved words already say everything you want to promise: being faithful, staying together for life, and giving yourselves fully to each other.
You still choose how to say them: to each other, or by answering the priest's or deacon's questions. Both ways are explained below.
If you still want to share your own words, there are good places for that. Some couples read a letter to each other privately before the ceremony. Others share a few words at the reception. Ask your parish what fits, and check with the priest or deacon before adding anything to the ceremony.
Who says the vows first?
Usually the groom goes first and the bride second, because that is the standard printed order. You don't need to memorize it: the priest or deacon tells each of you when it's your turn. Your parish walks you through it at the rehearsal, especially if the ceremony is in two languages or someone needs special accommodations.
Going first or second doesn't change anything. Each of you makes the same full promise and receives the other's promise. Both of you must say yes freely.
Two approved ways to say your vows
The ceremony gives you two approved options:
- Saying them to each other. Each of you speaks the full vow to the other.
- Answering questions. The priest or deacon reads the approved words as a question, and each of you answers.
Both carry the same promise. What changes is how the words are said, not what your marriage means. Some people like saying the whole vow because they want to speak straight to their future spouse. Others choose the questions because nerves, a speech difficulty, or the language makes a longer text hard to say.
Talk about it with the priest or deacon who is preparing you. Use only the words and the translation your parish gives you. If your families speak English and Spanish, ask which approved language options you can use and how your guests can follow along. Ask for the approved text in each language you'll use, so you don't need to translate anything yourselves.
How to prepare your Catholic wedding vows
The goal is to say the words clearly and calmly, not to put on a show. Contact your parish six to nine months before the wedding. That gives you time to finish your marriage preparation and plan the ceremony with the parish.
To get ready for your vows, follow these steps:
- Get the approved text from your parish. Check the form, the language, and your names exactly as they appear in the ceremony plan.
- Read the words for what they mean. During marriage preparation, talk about being faithful, staying together for life, supporting each other, and being open to children.
- Choose with the priest or deacon how you'll say them. Ask if you'll say the full text, repeat it phrase by phrase, or answer the approved questions.
- Practice out loud, slowly and calmly. Look at each other, pause where it feels natural, and speak loud enough for your witnesses to hear.
- Mark any names or words that are hard to pronounce. If the ceremony is bilingual, practice only the approved translation your parish gives you.
- Practice the movements too. Confirm when you stand, hold hands, face each other, and use a microphone.
- Bring a printed copy if your parish allows it. You don't have to memorize your vows for them to be valid or sincere.
Practice enough to understand what you're saying, but leave room for a real human moment. If you pause, your voice shakes, or you get emotional, your promise is just as strong.
Prepare for the promise, not only the wording
Getting ready is more than practicing the words. Learn what you are promising, and talk about how you plan to live it. Your vows are a promise for life, and marriage preparation helps you make it freely, honestly, and with faith.
What comes after the vows?
After your vows, the ceremony continues with the blessing and exchange of rings. The United States edition of the wedding ceremony also includes approved cultural traditions: the arras and the lasso or veil. They are beautiful, but they don't replace the vows.
If your family keeps Hispanic wedding customs, read our guide to Catholic wedding traditions. You can also read our guides on the meaning and placement of the wedding lasso and the meaning of the 13 wedding coins.
Your parish decides how and when these customs happen in the ceremony. Check each optional element with them before you buy it or ask someone to be a sponsor.
Why the vows make the marriage
In a Catholic wedding, your free “yes” to each other is what makes you married, and no one else can give that yes in your place.
The priest or deacon receives your vows in the name of the Church, and your two official witnesses hear them too. That's why your words need to be free, clear, and fully meant. They have to come from your own heart, with no pressure from anyone. When you say them this way, they are what they are meant to be: a clear gift of your life to the other person, before God and the Church.
Arras, lazo and Bible for your wedding ceremony
The arras and the lazo that follow your vows, a wedding Bible from your padrinos, and a unity candle set to keep after the wedding.
Arrives in 2 to 4 days. Free shipping on orders over $35.
Common questions about Catholic wedding vows
Do Catholic couples have to memorize their vows?
No. You can read them, repeat them after the priest or deacon, or answer the approved questions, depending on your parish's plan. What matters is that you say yes freely and clearly. It's not a memory test.
Can one person say the vows in Spanish and the other in English?
It may be possible, but your parish has to approve the plan and give you the official text in each language. Ask early, so the priest or deacon, your witnesses, the musicians, and your guests all know how the ceremony will go.
Are the questions the priest or deacon asks the same as the vows?
No. The questions come first and confirm that you are marrying freely and for life, and that you are open to children when that question is included. Your vows come right after, and they are what makes you married.
Can you add a favorite poem or personal promise?
Not in place of the approved vows. Ask your parish if a poem could fit somewhere else in the ceremony. Personal promises often feel more natural in a private letter or at the reception.
What if you make a mistake while speaking?
Just pause and follow the lead of the priest or deacon. They can repeat the phrase or help you keep going. A small slip doesn't change your promise.
Sources
- Catechism of the Catholic Church: matrimonial consent
- Code of Canon Law: canons 1055 to 1165 on marriage
- U.S. Conference of Catholic Bishops: teaching aid on the Catholic marriage rite
- U.S. Conference of Catholic Bishops: overview of the Order of Celebrating Matrimony
- U.S. Conference of Catholic Bishops: marriage preparation guidance
- ACI Prensa: the Catholic wedding liturgy in Spanish