A unity candle is a wedding custom where two smaller candles light one larger candle, a simple picture of two lives becoming one married life. The couple usually lights the center candle together, and the side candles can be lit by the mothers, the parents, other relatives, or the couple themselves. It's optional in a Catholic wedding, so start with a quick call to your parish: they decide if you can include it, when it happens, and who lights each candle.
What a unity candle means at a Catholic wedding
It's a simple way to show your unity in front of everyone. Each small candle usually stands for one of you. Together, you use them to light the center candle, a sign of the life you're starting to share. Some families add other meanings, like the joining of two families or the support parents give to the new marriage.
These meanings are beautiful. The candle isn't part of the official ceremony, so each parish handles it a little differently, and some prefer to do it at the reception. If yours says no, don't worry: your wedding is complete without it.
Is a unity candle required in a Catholic wedding?
No. A Catholic wedding doesn't need a unity candle. The ceremony already has its own signs of your union: your vows, the blessing and exchange of rings, the Nuptial Blessing, and, if you marry during Mass, the Eucharist.
Each parish decides about extra customs. One may allow the candle after the rings. Another may allow it before the final blessing. A third may save it for the reception, so nothing takes attention away from the ceremony itself.
So before you buy the set or plan the moment, ask your priest, deacon, or parish wedding coordinator. They know how your church does it, so a quick call saves you from buying or planning something twice.
What the three candles stand for
A typical set has two thin taper candles and one larger candle in the center. The most common meaning is simple:
- The first small candle stands for one spouse.
- The second small candle stands for the other spouse.
- The center candle stands for the married life you begin together.
Becoming one doesn't mean either of you disappears. Marriage creates a real union, and each of you keeps your own identity, your family ties, and your own responsibilities. That's why some couples leave the two side candles burning after they light the center one: it honors each of you and your life together.
If your parish uses the custom, a Catholic marriage preparation guide suggests leaving the side candles lit and keeping the unity candle off the altar. Still, your parish's instructions come first, because where it goes and when it happens depends on each church.
Who lights the unity candle?
There's no Catholic rule that says the side candles must be lit by the mothers, the parents, the godparents, or any other relative. Families usually choose one of these ways:
- The mothers or the parents light the two side candles before the couple walks in.
- Family members you choose light the side candles during the entrance.
- The two of you light the side candles from another flame the parish approves, and then use them to light the center candle.
- The side candles are lit before the ceremony starts, and only the two of you take part during the ceremony.
None of these is automatically right for every parish. If you'd like to honor your parents or godparents, tell the wedding coordinator early. They'll tell you if those people can go up to the candle stand, when to walk up, and where to go back to afterward.
Keep the moment short. Your guests should understand what's happening without a long explanation. If you want to share the meaning, add a line to the printed program, for example: “The Unity Candle: the two side candles stand for [Name] and [Name]. Together they light the center candle as a sign of their new life as one family.” You can also ask if the priest or deacon would like to say a few words.
When the unity candle is lit
There's no set moment for the unity candle, because it's an extra custom and not part of the official Catholic ceremony. If your parish allows it, it may come after your vows and rings, after another local custom, or near the end of the ceremony. Some parishes ask couples to do it at the reception instead.
Wedding websites often list a moment for the candle, but your parish may do it differently. Ask them where it fits in their ceremony. That answer also shapes the music, who moves when, the photos, where the candle stands, and the rehearsal.
If you're also including the arras or the lazo, go over the whole order with the coordinator. Our guide to Catholic wedding traditions gives you a quick overview of these customs. For more detail, see our guides to the meaning and placement of the wedding lazo and the meaning of the 13 wedding coins.
How to plan the candle with your parish
Before the rehearsal, go over these points with your parish. You can ask them just like this:
- Can we use a unity candle inside the church?
- At what exact moment in the ceremony?
- Who can light or carry each candle?
- Which candle stand do we use, and where does it go?
- Does the parish provide a lighter, a taper, or another flame?
- Should the side candles stay lit?
- Are there rules for flowers, fabric, photos, or music near the candle?
- Can we practice it once during the rehearsal?
Bring the full set to the rehearsal if the parish asks for it. Check that each candle fits its holder and stands up straight. Take off the plastic wrap before the wedding day, but keep the candles clean and covered on the way to the church.
Don't count on using the church's Paschal candle for this. The Paschal candle has its own special role in the Church's worship. To learn more, see our guide to what the Paschal candle means and when it is lit.
Choose a practical candle set
Once your parish says yes, look for a set that works with the church's holders and space. Here's what to check:
- Sturdy candles that sit securely in their holders.
- Tapers you can lift without dripping wax on your dress or suit.
- A center wick that's easy to reach from both sides.
- Ribbons, dried flowers, paper, and loose fabric kept away from every flame.
- One person in charge of bringing, setting up, and taking away the set.
Our Catholic wedding unity candle is made in Mexico and comes with the center candle and matching side candles. Check its size against your parish's holders before you choose it. Once the parish says yes and the size fits, you're ready for the big day.
Plan for an outdoor wedding
Wind can blow out an open flame or make it unsafe. Ask the venue and your priest or deacon if open flames are allowed. If the unity candle is allowed, set it on a steady surface and use a protective cover the venue approves, so the flame stays safe and you can still light it. Keep fabric, flowers, programs, and decorations away from the flame.
Use sturdy holders and leave at least 12 inches between the candle and anything that can burn. Never leave a burning candle alone. If the venue asks for more distance or doesn't allow flames at all, follow the venue's rule.
If wind or fire rules make the candle hard to use, don't force it. You can move it to an indoor reception, choose another option your parish approves, or skip it. Your wedding is just as complete without a unity candle.
Keep the sacrament at the center
When your parish allows it, a unity candle can be a beautiful picture of your life together. It works best when it's simple and clear. It should support the ceremony, not compete with your vows, the rings, the Nuptial Blessing, or the Eucharist.
Your marriage rests on the vows you freely give each other and on God's grace, not on a candle. So check with your parish first and practice once at the rehearsal. Then enjoy the moment: your families will remember it.
Arras, lazo, Bible and unity candle for your wedding
The 13 coins of the arras, the lazo, a Bible for the couple and a unity candle set, ready for your wedding day.
Arrives in 2 to 4 days. Free shipping on orders over $35.
Common questions about Catholic unity candles
What is a unity candle at a wedding?
It's a custom where two smaller candles are used to light one larger candle in the center. Couples use it to show the married life they begin together. It's optional, not a required part of a Catholic wedding.
Do the mothers have to light the side candles?
No. Some families ask the mothers or the parents to light them, but there's no single Catholic rule. Your parish and your ceremony plan decide who takes part.
At what point is the unity candle lit?
There's no set moment, because the candle isn't part of the required ceremony. If your parish allows it, the coordinator will place it where it doesn't interrupt the celebration. Some parishes prefer to do it at the reception.
Should we blow out the side candles?
Some couples leave them burning to show that marriage joins two people without erasing either one. A Catholic marriage preparation guide also suggests leaving them lit. Just follow your parish's fire and ceremony instructions.
Can a Catholic wedding use a personalized candle?
Your parish may approve a decorated candle if it meets their rules. The decoration doesn't change what the candle means. Before you order any design, check the allowed size, materials, placement, and wording with them.
Sources
- United States Conference of Catholic Bishops: Principles of Ministry to Couples Preparing for Marriage
- United States Conference of Catholic Bishops: Committee on Divine Worship Newsletter, August 2016
- Catechism of the Catholic Church: Matrimonial Consent
- Catechism of the Catholic Church: The Sacrament of Matrimony in Brief
- U.S. Fire Administration: Candle Fire Safety